Good communication involves constructive criticism and bad communication involves destructive criticism.
Constructive Criticism; is intended to uplift the other person. Hence the word constructive meaning something is created or a visible outcome generated rather than the opposite.
Destructive Criticism; is intended to harm someone, derogate and destroy someone’s reputation and self-esteem. This may be done intentionally or out of sheer ignorance and foolishness. Hence the word destructive. Destructive criticism may be disguised as constructive to be more painful while harming.
Source: Wikipedia
Giving and receiving criticism is for most people difficult. People with low self esteem or people that have a “Please like me” attitude can and often do find Criticism unfair. Some are destroyed by criticism and do there best to avoid people and places where they may feel vulnerable.
When criticism is justified and delivered tactfully we call it “Constructive criticism” and this by far is something we can learn from.
Learning to listen to criticism and not to feel that you are undervalued or being attacked or even put down in some way is the way forward.
Here are some tips:
RECEIVING CRITICISM:
Always ask for clarification. You may wish to obtain examples. This can bide you time, whereby you can digest what is actually being said and evaluate as to whether it is valid or not.
Recognizing aspects to the criticism that are valid, then we can start to agree with these aspects and make relevant changes.
If you realize that you were in the wrong then apologize.
“I apologise for my behaviour and will try to be more considerate in the future”
If you do feel that the criticism is wrong or unfair then say so.
“I’m afraid that I do not agree with you”
Being assertive with your own feelings and calmly yet confidently putting your opinions across.
GIVING CRITICISM:
You may have noticed some people who criticise tend to use the word ‘”I” rather than the word “You” This is because the word “I” shows you’re in control and that you’ve thought about what you’re saying.
So always own what you are saying by starting with “I” and not “You”
“I do not….” I feel that…..” I would like you to…..” “I would appreciate…..”
Keep calm.
Do not wait until you are angry or upset as this will only make things worse. Pick an appropriate time to give your criticism.
This technique is called “Sandwich” for obvious reasons; Start by giving something positive then deliver the criticism and then end with another positive.
Make sure you only criticise the behaviour, not the person.
It takes a lot of practice to feel and act this way, this will not be easy and you will not master it over-night. It will take time. Use every opportunity to practise the new you.
Let me know how you get on…. I am interested.
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