Ignorance is Pure ‘Ice’

Helping relationships enable and encourage us to experience and express a wide range of feelings, some pleasant and some not so pleasant. Offering an arena for growth and change rather than blocking or stifling by judgement or opinion.

By encouraging self activation and self assertion we identify our own unique individuality, wishes, dreams, and goals, and are allowed to be assertive in expressing them autonomously no matter how whacky or unachievable. One of the most cruelest things that one can do to is to squash dreams and rubbish the ideas of others.

“Please take the time to read this article and allow your self to digest the information, then, if you wish let me know what your thoughts are by submitting a comment in the box below or if you prefer simply click on the facebook share button at the top of the page and help spread the word…Thank you.”

You may be aware of Mr Masaru Emoto from Japan who began one of the most amazing phenomina of life. He observed and experimented with water and began to feed different levels of communication to the water. The communication was delivered in written form facing the water while it was stored in bottles before freezing.

Negative words like; ‘You make me sick, I will kill you’ made the crystals resemble an image similar to that of polluted water.

Words of ‘Love and appreciation’ resembled images of perfect cylindrical beauty.

The worst by a long shot were the ones that were ignored.

Believe it or not ignorance is a weapon.

Amazing when you consider that us humans are probably about 80% water.

Can you be alone without feeling abandoned or ignored?

Some people dislike being on their own. I personally am quite comfortable being alone at times, does this necessarily mean that those who dislike being alone are unhealthy?

I would say, only if they choose to be with the wrong kind of person. Exhibiting an attitude that to be with someone, anyone, is far better than not being with anybody at all. This way they could be leaving them selves wide open to abuse, manipulation and unhappiness.

Disagreements happen in healthy relationships all the time. Most often what makes a relationship healthy is the open and honest communication and a willingness to compromise when disagreements occur. With honesty we might not always like what we hear but at least we can achieve a better understanding of each other. When we have a breakdown of communication one person thinks one thing and the other person thinks another and more often than not they are both incorrect.

The unhealthy relationship is marred by a need to control one or the other. When arguments happen, a person can be made to feel bad by experiencing ridicule and name-calling. Controlling aspects are present when one need’s to dictate how the other is to dress, to think and to feel. This is abuse.

Fear, grief and rage are not and should not be a regular part of any relationship. Yes, people will get angry and sad from time to time through the normal course of life, but when it is constant and it achieves a level of ‘abuse’ – the relationship is not a healthy one.

“Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away”. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

“Please take the time to read this article and allow your self to digest the information, then, if you wish let me know what your thoughts are by submitting a comment in the box below or if you prefer simply click on the facebook share button at the top of the page and help spread the word…Thank you.”

Dawn Pugh Therapy expert.

Transactional Analysis Trends.

Apparently Relational Transactional Analysis (TA) has over the last few years become a central tool for change and growth in therapy.

Does this emerging trend signify an increase in development of relational psychoanalysis and psychotherapy within the therapeutic arena?

Relational therapy has some important core concepts;

1.  The centrality of the therapeutic relationship.

2.  A bi-directional process.

3.  The acknowledgment of existing any un-conscious processes.

4.  The ability to use counter-transference

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Hope this was useful?

Dawn Pugh Therapy expert.

7. Quick Tips For Getting Over Someone You Love :

Do You Want Help with Relationship Difficulties?   Contact me NOW!!

“Don’t expect it to be quick and don’t expect it to be easy, but by following these 7. Simple steps you can expect it to happen!”

7. Quick Tips For Getting Over Someone You Love.

1. He-tox your life: You need to do a thorough house cleaning! Treat it like a cleansing, spring clean: Start off by giving your ex back all of the stuff that they’ve left at your place. Obviously, ask him or her to do the same by returning anything that you care about. Then, store away any gifts they’ve given you, even if it’s something of value. Box it up and put it in your closet, attic, basement or garage. Just remove it from your sight, at least until the pain has gone away!

2. Don’t contact him: The phone is the most lethal of weapons during a break-up. It mocks you when it’s silent, it beckons to you when you’re drunk and it’s only too glad to tell you, “You have no new messages”.

Take control do not allow the situation to control you. Do not give your power away.

You need to distance yourself from the person who is causing your pain. He/She doesn’t want you to call. He/She broke up with you for a reason, and even if he/she asked you to call them, they probably only said it to ease their guilt.

Calling/texting/e-mailing does not say: “I’m just calling for a chat because I’m a mature adult and I’m fine with this whole break-up thing,” it says: “I still need your approval and I’m lost without you.”

3. Pamper or spoil yourself: Yep, this goes for guys as well! Buy yourself something you’ve always wanted or treat your self to a lavish night out on the town. Maybe catch a show in Las Vegas or take a vacation in the Bahamas. Do whatever it takes to start to make yourself feel special again; you’re only limited by your imagination. You’ve been through a lot, you’re worth it!

4. Talk about the break up with your family and close friends: Whatever you do, don’t bottle up your feelings! Being able to share how you really feel, letting your emotions come to the surface with the people you trust can help immeasurably with your recovery. Sympathetic friends and family members will let you talk and talk…at least, in the beginning.

5. If talking to your family and friends isn’t helping you get over your lost love: Perhaps scheduling a few sessions with a professional counsellor might be necessary. Working thorough your issues will not only give you an outlet to talk about your ex, it may also help you to accept your self better and  identify things in your own life that will make intimate relationships more open and honest for future reference.

6. Get back into the real world as soon as you can: It is one of the best methods of how to get over someone you love. You’ll probably have more time on your hands now that you’re not dating your ex, so spend that time wisely. Go to the gym, take a class or get involved in a group.
Just do something to keep your self occupied. Often, when we are involved in a relationship, we tend to allow our own interests and hobbies take a back seat. This is an ideal opportunity to get back into the things we love doing!

7. When you feel the time is right, start dating again: How ever, don’t expect your first dates to lead to great romances! You’ll be greatly disappointed if you think this will happen. Instead, take your time, go slowly. Maybe have coffee with someone who interests you or agree to go on a group date. Plan to date a number of people and don’t limit your social activities. Get back onto the dating scene progressively. You don’t need to commit to anyone until you’re good and ready.

Helpful?

Dawn Pugh Expert therapist.

The Secret to Emotional and Sexual intelligence.

Often when analyzing couples, whose sexual excitement has taken a sharp decline we explore attitudes to emotional distress, stress at work, birth of children, general busy lifestyles, as these can all have an affect on our sexual intimate relationships. Differing needs result in couples experiencing difficulties.

Working with a professional, couples can obtain a better and healthier understanding of both each others emotional needs and dynamics within their ever changing relationship.

Therapists will encourage honesty and openness, communicating clearly how and what one wants from their partner before and during sexual activity.

For couples and their therapist one major challenge is to once again illuminate and appreciate the qualities within each other, to accept their ever changing roles and reignite what they found exciting, mysterious and alluring in one another.

Sexual Intelligence: A Couple Quits Therapy; What Is “Normal” Desire?

A couple I’d seen in sex therapy for a month quit last night. I can’t say I blame them. And I admit I was a bit relieved.

sexual intelligence: what do we actually know about sex?

it’s wonderful to speak to groups of people who support sexual rights. it always feels like visiting family. (the family that makes you feel welcome, not the family that wonders if you were switched with their “real” child at birth.) …

“Let me know if this was helpful for you?”

Dawn Pugh Expert therapist.

Has the facebook ruined your life?

Have you found happiness via the massive network that’s worth billions and basically would not exist if it were not for me and you.

Would you like to join a social network full of groups of people that you may already know, or people who you would like to get to know or who would like to get to know you. Catch up with old school friends, re-ignite old flames,  even stalk if that’s your bag. Keep in touch with family and friends, support valid and often crazy causes created by the people for the people – power to the people.

A place to communicate and see images of attractive available women and men having fun, ask them to be your friend, go on give ‘em a poke.

A place full of exciting flirtatious and explicit communication, often displaying bad sexual language, weaving a spiders tangled web of  deciet,  infidelities, arguments, verbal abuse, violence, even murder. Divorces, family conflicts and two facedness the list goes on and on…

You can even get cyber bullied and if you’re really clever, lose your job

Come on…whats stopping you?

Has face book ruined your life?

I see many patients who have bee affected by facebook in some way or another, some good some not so good.

Is this The “Dark truth about Facebook”

How To Protect Your Privacy On Facebook

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How to protect your privacy on Facebook

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“What happens in the face book stays in the facebook” or does it?

I do hope you enjoyed this? Thought provoking I know…So let me know if you have been affected in any way.

Dawn Pugh therapy expert

How does Marriage Counselling Help?

Do you need help in saving your relationship?

I have put together some videos for your perusal.

Marriage Counseling That Works

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Relate – the difference we make

Exploring your views on underage sex and teenage pregnancies; Pregnant teenage statistics are increasing the world over, so how do we deal with the pregnancy rates? How do we prevent pregnancy in our teens?

This particular post is mostly form the perception of parents of the son (perspective father)

So your son drops the bombshell!! What do you do? Who and Where do you turn to? How do you help your son? What are your responsibilities and those of your son?

No doubt you are feeling very upset and disappointed. What is often considered a joyful event is nearly impossible to be celebrated under these circumstances.

The uncertainty of what will happen next is likely at the forefront of your mind. How this will affect you and your family is a scary thought.

The decision of whether or not the pregnant teen chooses to maintain the pregnancy, keep the baby or place it for adoption is, in most cases, entirely up to the teen mother.

She does not need permission from her parents or the teen father to have an abortion or to choose to parent.

As the parent of this young man, he needs you now more than ever.

Keep communication between both families open and amicable is imperative; it is an essential requirement whilst the future of the pregnancy, baby and teens are being decided.

He may want something different with regards to the pregnancy than the teen mother or the parents. His friends are telling him one thing and his heart may be telling him another.

It is very important for you to set aside your own feelings and help him to talk it out and make better choices going forward.

Statutory rape is an issue if one party is older than 18. However, very few cases are brought to the attention of the District Attorney unless the adult involved has a criminal record or a date rape has occurred.

You, as his parent, are not financially responsible for the pregnancy or baby. Once your son is 18 years old, he will be legally responsible for paying child support.
Regardless of whether or not he wants the girl to keep the baby, he should take financial responsibility as soon as he is able.

If he chooses to avoid it, he could risk future visitation or custody since he did not show a financial commitment for his child early on. Of course, it is also the right thing to do – support the child.

Both families need to establish guidelines during the pregnancy (i.e. attending doctor’s appointments) and a reasonable visitation schedule that will enable your son and your family the opportunity to bond with his baby.

All in all try to be as rational and reasonable as possible for all parties.

Source: VillageNews

I hope this information was helpful to you.

Dawn Pugh expert therapist.

Knowing why Family are Stubborn. Conflict between families is never easy, especially when it involves you. Some members hold onto resentments and grudges forever…Why?  Is it through a lack of insight or a case of “I’m right your wrong”.

It is quite common for families to fall out once in a while but what can be extremely upsetting is if you never get the chance to resolve the conflict or at least agree a truce before they die.
Another sad aspect is if one party is so stubborn and resentful that they cannot accept any responsibility for their actions. (I hope you’re reading this sis?)

It’s hard when you’ve had a conflict with someone and it’s never quite been resolved. Without an apology or other resolution, the trust on both sides is compromised, and you don’t know what to expect from this person in the future. Once a conflict has gone on awhile, even if both parties move on and remain polite, the feelings of pain and mistrust are usually lingering under the surface, and are difficult to resolve:

In future dealings with this person, you can take one of three paths:

1.    Try To Resolve The Conflict: Choose your time carefully preferably a time when all the family isn’t gathered. Ask the person if they’d like to discuss and resolve what happened in the past. If (and only if) you and the other person want to resolve things and are open to seeing one another’s point of view, this could be a very constructive idea.  Seeing where each of you may have misunderstood the other or behaved in a way you would change if you could, offering sincere apologies, and in other ways resolving the conflict can heal the relationship for the future.

2.    Forgive and Forget: If it looks like such a civil meeting of the minds is unlikely, don’t push it. It’s probably a good idea to try to forgive the other person and let it go. Forgiving doesn’t mean opening yourself up to feel wronged again; it only means that you let go of your feelings of resentment and anger. You can be careful in what you expect from this person in the future without actively harboring resentment and you’ll be the one to benefit the most.

3.    Cut the Person out of Your Life: If what the other person did was abusive and there’s absolutely no remorse or reason to expect things to be different in the future, you can severely limit your dealings with this person, or cut off contact altogether. This is normally a last-resort choice, but in cases of abuse, it’s sometimes a necessary one to make for your own emotional health.

Source: About.com

Some of us are gifted with the knowledge of humanity and the love of mankind and peace on earth…We can accept, understand and convey empathy…We do not see compromise as surrender or stepping back…We simply rise above it, not to it.

Sadly some are not.

Dawn Pugh Expert Therapist

Mediation helps couples to take control of their situation and sort out practical matters in an open , safe and somewhat co-operative environment.

Mediation can help couples establish a settlement and could  alleviate costly legal expenditures. Most importantly it gives priority to children divorce.

Divorce Mediation New York – TABLE OF CONTENTS : Divorve Mediation

TABLE OF CONTENTSVoluntary Mediation in Divorce Disputes as a European Principle .. 178 4. European Union Viewpoints regarding Mediation in Divorce Disputes ..

NJ Divorce mediation

Free Mediation is often set down by a court , the finding of this service is normally directed by the court b.

Mediation Conversations: Taxes and Divorce | Equitable Mediation …

For those of you contemplating a divorce in New Jersey, you will want to learn more about the equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities and how.

Divorce From a Different Angle – WomenEntrepreneur.com

Stewart made sure she had the training and experience she needed before she started Fairway Divorce. She became a certified divorce financial analyst and earned a designation as a financial mediator. “Over the course of a couple of …

NJ Family Law & Divorce Mediation: The Basis for Alimony

A common topic which arises during divorce mediation sessions and divorce support group meetings is the nature of alimony. Those individuals which are likely to be the payer don’t feel they deserve the obligation of continued support to …

Was this helpful? And whats with New Jersey?

Dawn Pugh. Therapy Expert

What impact can Sibling Rivalry have on us? Do you have a brother or sister that exhibits jealousy? or maybe you feel jealous toward them. Lets examine this rivalry.

sibling rivalry

It’s nice to see the kids having fun together. I noticed that the way they behave when they are together have changed abit. When Aidan is upset, Ashley will actually try to make Aidan happy by making funny faces at him until that cry of …

How to Handle Sibling Rivalry By Christina Taylor At Isnare.com …

Title: How to Handle Sibling Rivalry, Category: Parenting, Author: Christina Taylor, PubDate: 2009-07-08.

Walrus Magazine » Sibling Rivalry and Growing Up » by Georgie Binks

Canada’s best magazine, covering Politics, Environment, Arts, Culture, Sports & more… The Walrus Magazine (subscription, free trial) publishes the finest essays on Environmental Issues, Canadian politics, & more…

Women Living Well Blog: One Way to Resolve Sibling Rivalry

Since the beginning of time there has been sibling rivalry. In Genesis consider the first two brothers – Cain hated his brother so badly he killed Abel! Then there was Jacob and Esau – twins fighting over birth rights. …

Get Parenting Help Now Blog: Parenting Help for Sibling Rivalry

When I surveyed parents about what parenting challenges they’d like me to address in my upcoming parenting talk show the number one topic was sibling rivalry. There was never a doubt that I would try to interview Adele Faber and…

Let me know did this information affected you?

Dawn Pugh Psychotherapist